Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
