it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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