dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
