I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize