I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
