shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
