I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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