Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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