I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
