Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
