he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
