Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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