she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
