i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think i have herpe
just one?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
