i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
