So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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