Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
