i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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