dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
