Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
