I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
