I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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