i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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