She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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