I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
