the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
