i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
