it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
