oh god the rape fog is back!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
