Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you didnt know i had herpes?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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