You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
