My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
