also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
