At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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