if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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