Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I believe in your delicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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