I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Everclear isn't food dammit
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
