Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
