Dual....:-)
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
