I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
