just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Princesses don't give blow jobs
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
