my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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