I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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