1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
