Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
