Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
