Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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