i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
