I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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