I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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