I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
