I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
