I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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