I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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