I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
