I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
