I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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