what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
