and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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