Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
a search helicopter?!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
false alarm, still single
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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