Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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