An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
