Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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