Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
