Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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