I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
