No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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