Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
ok first of all what the fuck
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
