I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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