im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
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After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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