Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
