I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
