if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Randomize
